Halfway through =O

I can't believe we are half-way through my time here! Yesterday was alot of fun, after training and church I was able to nap, read and rest and we cleaned our room (every week they go round and check the rooms and there is a charge of a 50c if you have not... cleaned the windows/washed dishes/cleaned toilet, etc... the cleanest room gets the prize money so the first week it was like 30 dollars!) and there was a thunderstorm outside (rain pelting down) and it was warm and cozy inside.... then we realized there was a mud-fight going on outside so after a little mental battle..
Boring adult side of Kat: I'm nice and clean, comfy, just showered... Nooo...
Fun youthful side of Kat: But its a MUD FIGHT!!!!! LETS GOOO!!!

Thankfully the fun side won in like 3 seconds so Eb (room leader) and I put on our dirty clothes and went downstairs and boy it was a full on mud fight, everyone (about 40 people) had gone nuts... people were wrestling and trying to get their opponent into the mud and there was mud just flying about everything. Then somebody shouted TO THE OCEAAAANNN so we all ran there (the people that stopped for us to cross the road must thave thought we were mad) and ran into the ocean as lightening was strking all around us. As lightening got closer we decided it was stupid to be in the water so got out and played ultimate frisbee but instead of a frisbee it was an american football. SO MUCH FUN. Sweat, rain, sand... we kept going till we couldn't see the football anymore and then went back into the ocean to bodysurf (despite the fear of sting rays that come out at night).

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Since that was written a day has gone past and today all of us got up at 5.30am and trapsed to the beach... funny story... The night before last Rachel was purring away like a cat and then started snoring so Eb and I attempted to make her be quiet and eventually after lifting up her arm to try to turn her over and scampering back into bed in a hysterical fit of silent giggles when she sat up to stare at us she was quiet. Last night I was reading and apparently Rachel (oh dear, I am laughing hysterically right now and am alone in my room) was purring and Eb said passionately "Oh dear God" and I thought she was PRAYING so shut my eyes and after like 5 seconds of silence realized it was an expression of frustration more than a passionate prayer... that was so funny and we were re-telling it today beside the pool and got into a fit of giggles (like you do when you are really tired and just woken up... silliness abounds...) ANYWAY.

Back to the point. We had the theme talk with a missions emphasis last night, it was so convicting and I loved the fact that the prayers and the talk were definetly not a "guilt" thing, of I SHOULD GO, but it was based on Christ. It's not guilt, emotions of excitement or anything that will make us go or give (well it can be..) but it is CHRIST that can put in us love for other people (love that I do not have!). I was convicted of my lack of love for others, for the gospel to spread, for my lack of belief that God can show people his truth and how absorbed in myself I am. I am hopeful again, hopeful that even though last night there were tears and prayers, this does not depend on my emotions but God working through me so I want to commit to whatever he wants for me in the future, and he will be the one that works in me. By his grace. So the prayer today was for India, the CCP team going there and global missions. God is starting to give me faith that he is working in the world and wants me to be a part of it, I think I had forgotten that.

Another thing that I have been learning is how dependent on relationships I am. I NEED people, I don't love them. They are for my own security, to make me feel safe and only then will I take an "interest" in them... it was so discouraging to see, how sin is in me and taints everything, even my relationships. Jealousy, comparisons... the point is not to be fulfilled by relationships but that they would serve to point to Christ - the ultimate fulfiller. To love someone is not to grow as close as possible so you are fulfilling each other as best as you possibly can - it'll just end in disappointment. To love is to be close, but with Christ in the centre, fulfilling the relationship and freeings us from NEEDING people, freeing us to LOVE people. And in seeing how far I am away from that, his grace and the gospel was suddenly so much more wonderful (much sweeter!)... despite my sin, I am loved. I want my idol of relationships to come crashing down and to seek God for fulfillment, because only he can truly fulfill.

Well done for reading all the way down, I will put at the top that the learning stuff is at the bottom, this should probably have gone at the top. Thanks for reading, thanks for the encouragement, it should be my pleasure to share what I have been given, and writing it down is also a way to process it for me so I hope I will keep blogging!
In him,
Kat